Earlier this week things clicked into place as a friend prayed over me and the Holy Spirit brought to mind several moments over the past year where God has brought me into places of being brave. I then sat down and wrote them out praising God for His faithfulness and want to share that with you here:
“Thank you God. Thank you for making me brave and giving me boldness to speak truth when you ask me to. Thank you for helping me to be bold and courageous.
A year ago a stranger came to me during worship and gave me a brass key with the word “Brave” engraved into it. I wept as she shared with me about the journey you took her on during her own Race and how you redefined bravery for her. I didn’t feel very brave in that moment but accepted her gift and love openly. That stranger is now one of my closest friends – my dear sweet Zim and I carry that key with me to this day.
At the time, I was at training camp preparing to go on the Race and I was praying, grieving and worrying about leaving my clients and the families I was working with at Lowell Elementary School and Youth Homes. I was giving way to fear and anxiety and had to be brave in trusting that you love them deeper than I ever could, trusting them with you and letting go.
Later that week, I prayed that you would teach me how to recieve and trust others love and two days later I fell and broke my leg while backpacking. I needed to be carried off the mountain by strangers and new friends. Over the next several months, I learned to recieve and trust the love of others – I had to be brave to let others back in after years of living in hurt and learned independence and self-reliance.
During the first two months of the Race I wrestled with what it meant to be brave and sought out every scripture I could find about being brave. Through others you spoke and convicted me of not trusting your love and accepting the true identity you have spoken over me. In accepting that true identity, I had to abandon the false identity which had been formed in pain, rejection, fear, and lies that I had accepted as truth for so many years. I had to be brave in rejecting what I had known for so long and instead owning and carrying the truth and true identity you have given me.
Later in the Dominican Republic during a worship night, I felt convicted to surrender all my hopes, dreams, longings, desires, relationships and blessings to you. I surrendered my home, family, friends, community, church, roommates, career, and future family to you. I was scared my roommates would move, my community would change, and that my future desires would be forgotten. And you know what? My roommates moved, my single friends stepped into committed relationships and friends got married, my community and my home changed, and you have not forgotten the desires of my heart. I chose to be brave in giving you all that I am, value, want and have to you.
Then you asked me to lead amongst my peers as a team leader – something that has scared me since my early college years as leading my peers has been so challenging, painful and traumatic at times in my past. And so I prayed and hoped it would be a healing and redemptive season – and in many ways it wasn’t. It was hard, painful, stretching and revealing. It brought me to brokenness and deeper, desperate, and complete dependence on you. And I grew – I learned to follow, seek and serve you first and foremost. I chose to fear God over fearing man and the opinions of others. I learned to be brave even when it hurts and I feel I have nothing left to give.
I came out of that season reeling in pain from ruptured and broken relationships and you reminded me through others and scripture that my fight is not against flesh and blood but is against principalities and the rulers of darkness in this world (Ephesians 6:12). You then taught me through the story of King Jehoshaphat in 2 Chronicles 20 that we win our battles through praising you as you fight our battles for us. You are good God and your faithful love endures forever! You have healed and restored relationships to your glory and honor. And I learned to be brave, praising your name and allowing you to fight my battles for me.
Recently you have been teaching and prompting me to speak truth in love – sharing boldly what you’ve asked me to share even when it’s not easy to hear. Scripture calls us to live set apart and like Christ and when we are not living in that way, we are to point others back to truth encouraging them to live in the way we are told to live (James 5:19-20). Confronting people in this way has always been scary and overwhelming to me – I’ve felt like Moses protesting to God; telling you that I’m the wrong person and that I don’t have the right words to speak. You responded to Moses by reminding him of who created his mouth and gives him the words to speak (Exodus 4:10-12). You promise to give us the words to speak in the moments you have asked us to speak.
Last night I said yes to your Holy Spirit and spoke truth in love to my squad. I chose to speak out what may be difficult to hear but is necessary to hear. We are called to love and live like Christ, and your Son was not passive avoiding hard conversations and trying not to rock the boat. Jesus spoke truth with love, and we are not truly loving others well when we choose to share only what they want to hear rather than what they need to hear. I obeyed and chose to be brave in opening my mouth and letting you speak through me.
You’ve taught me this year that being brave does not mean living without fear, but living in obedience despite fear. You’re teaching me how to make my decisions out of fear and reverence of you and nothing else. Thank you Lord for making me brave. Thank you for teaching me how to be brave each and every day. Thank you for your mercy and grace as I don’t always get it right and thank you for your faithfulness in never leaving my side. I love you Lord. O Lord, I give my life to you (Psalm 25:1).”
“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.”
2 Timothy 1:7
